Beginnings
Cathy Martinet, known as Catharine to some later in life, was born in Burbank, California on June 3, 1961 to Peggy and Ken Martinet. She had two younger sisters, Danielle and Denise, the twins. I don’t have to tell most of you here that Cathy grew up in a very loving home where Christian charity abounded. They invite everyone into their home and will do anything for a person in need. If you have been to their house, you know it is a true gathering place where they love to shower you with food, wine and lots of hugs.

Childhood
As a child, Cathy was a typical older child, always doing the right thing and following the rules. And, of course, she always told her little sisters what to do; and they obeyed. For one, her sisters were not allowed to wear purple because it was Cathy’s favorite color. If they did, she told them they were going to jail. You can see that they defied her today. Also, whenever the three played together, and performed their shows, Cathy always got to be the lead; and she was always the princess. Princess Katrinka. And the twins had to play the lesser roles. They got names like Prince Belly Button and Lady Handkerchief. All names coined by Cathy, of course. Cathy was such a precocious child. She knew how to manipulate her little sisters, and they always took the fall when she was just as involved in the antics that got them in trouble. I love the story Denise and Danielle tells of the three of them sneaking up and playing on the roof. Peggy had her hands full with those three. Her mom told me that Cathy probably got in trouble no more than four times in her life. If Cathy did go to her room, it was a pleasure. That meant that Cathy got to be solo, alone in her daydreams and reading a book. As we all know, Cathy was a voracious reader.

High School/Religious Ed
I met Cathy when I was 14, as a freshman in high school. She went to Glendale High and I went to La Canada High (Class of ’79). We met here at St. Bede’s through our religious education class. To be more specific, it was Lois Mahoney’s class. We got to know each other better through Lois’s home Bible study that she held between our classes. We still talk about Lois and how important she was at that time in our life. Cathy was just becoming a Catholic and wanted to learn all about her faith. Lois taught us how to say a really good Rosary and taught us how to really pray, beginning with thanksgiving. We never forgot that. We also never forgot our junior year in high school going to the home of Tim and Judy Smith’s for religious education. And then, it was Gary and Linda Klausner’s class during our senior year. It’s amazing how those classes all had such a profound influence. Cathy’s parents were very involved with the youth group back then, along with Jack and Sherry Schwartz, and we went on great retreats together that were life changing at the time. We really were beginning to understand how important a faith community was. Our commonality then at that time was that we both had a yearning for something more, and it was a deeper closeness to God. We were just beginning our journey, and we were beginning it together as spiritual sisters.

College/Reuniting Friends
In college, Cathy and I drifted apart for a while. We had different friends, and we learned that we both had a lot of fun in college and put our faith life on hold a little bit. Also, as opposites, we didn’t yet appreciate how great the other was. As fate would have it, we reconnected again right here in front of the church one day when we were 21. She told me that she was just diagnosed with the disease cystic fibrosis. I told her what a coincidence that was because as a nutrition student I had just learned about that disease in my diet therapy class. I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was pretty amazed and told me that most people don’t even know how to pronounce cystic fibrosis. If you say “65 roses” you’re close. We made a lunch date, and the rest was history. Our friendship began to grow and flourish once again.

Skier
Unfortunately, and what I would like to make a point of at this time, is that many people think of Cathy as someone with cystic fibrosis or someone who has been sick all of her life. I think it is really important to see the person and not the illness. So I would like to tell you more about Cathy, the whole person. In our twenties and early thirties, when Cathy had more energy, we would go skiing together. That was Cathy’s favorite sport. She was so coordinated, and I complained she was better than I was because she was closer to the ground. Remember, Cathy wasn’t even five feet tall. She would just whip down the mountain.

Dancer
Cathy was also a good dancer. One thing she always complained about is that every time my brother Andy saw her he loved to remind her about how she was a disco queen in high school. She was so easily embarrassed. She did wear those flowing skirts and was really into it. On her 40th birthday, we tried to relive those days and had a really fun 70s theme party. Cathy had enough energy to dance a little then, but nothing the way she did when she was in high school. She really was a good dancer.

Artist
Cathy was a talented artist. She told me she would have liked to have gone to art school. She never thought she was good enough. If you are familiar with any of Cathy’s work, you will recognize that it is all work from the heart. Her art is her deepest expression on paper. Her friend Rachael who was an artistic mentor to Cathy and a big fan of her work said that Cathy’s work is rich in content. And full of passion. Most recently, her favorite medium had been collage. For Cathy, she found it to be a really easy way to express herself by layering images and symbols.

Flowers
And I wonder how many of you know about Cathy’s love for flowers. She knew the name of about every flower and became an expert at floral decoration. She did flowers for friend’s weddings and even helped me out once by making floral bouquets for an event I was having at work.

Cooking
Cathy loved to cook – we both enjoyed gourmet food and loved taking turns having dinner parties for people. Her family is going to miss her famous jambalaya as well as the cranberry sauce she makes for Thanksgiving and the Charoses for the Seder they have each year.

Writing/Poetry
As is true with many people who love to read like Cathy did, Cathy also loved to write. She wrote some beautiful poetry that she posted on a website called The Breathing Room, and she wrote a regular column called Spirit Medicine in the CF Round Table. As Cathy’s friend Beth who also has Cystic Fibrosis said, ”I don’t think Cathy knew how much she touched the lives of so many with her Spirit Medicine column in the Roundtable and with her Breathing Room pictures. I have gotten over 25 messages from people about Cathy. Although Cathy may not have realized it, she was a huge influential and inspiring force in the CF community. She was admired and loved by all. Her Spirit Medicine columns took us on journeys and helped us explore new paths through her quiet teachings and passion for life. She was always the supportive and caring friend.”

I hope you will all take the time to go to Cathy’s website that was created by her friend Cathy Cathcart. The address is www.cathymartinet.com. I think you will learn a little bit more about Cathy and will be inspired by what you read.

Yes, Cathy was a very gifted and creative person.

Counseling
Interestingly, Cathy did not really have a career. In the end, you can say she had a vocation. She graduated from Loyola Marymount University with a BA in Psychology in 1983, and had she the energy, she would have continued on to get a doctorate in Clinical Psychology and have a practice. Instead, she chose to first have some life experiences, which included seeing art and architecture in Florence and the Louvre in Paris, seeing the green hills of Ireland and the cliffs of Mour, partying in places like the French Quarter in Louisiana and in Barcelona, Spain; visiting New England in autumn to see the beautiful colors, and in her own back yard, going up to the beautiful seaside coast of Cambria or going out to visit the poppies. All of these places inspired her and gave her the spiritual energy to continue. Aside from her first real job in the stock brokerage, she told me that the types of jobs she had to take needed to be practical, 9 – 5 jobs, that she could physically manage and ones that provided good healthcare insurance. She wanted to make sure she was responsible and not a burden to her family. She did not complain about this, because she was still able to have time for counseling, in the informal sense. Counseling was not her job; it was her true vocation.

Cathy’s Spirituality
In order to have more tools to counsel – to be more fully there to help people, Cathy took a three year spiritual direction program. For those of you not familiar with spiritual direction, it is a contemplative process, carried out in the context of a helping relationship, in which one faith-filled person (like Cathy) assists another to pay attention to God’s action in the person’s life and his or her response to this action. I don’t think that Cathy needed this program to be a good listener or counselor – those were innate traits; this just enhanced her skills.

Even before Cathy took the program, she was one of the best active listeners I have ever met. She was even more amazing in her response. She was very good with economy of words. She would listen to what you had to say very intently; then there was that slight pause followed by a careful response. You can tell she chose her words carefully so that she would always say just the right thing – to make you happy, to give you advice or to just be understood. She always wanted to be able to uplift and never offend. It was all part of Cathy’s spirituality. In fact, if I had to explain Cathy’s spirituality more fully to you, I would say it is marked by characteristics of compassion, peacemaking and gratitude.

As a compassionate person
As a compassionate person, it was important for Cathy to be a servant to those in need. As I mentioned before, she was a counselor to all, even to those you would have never guessed. Her mother told me that she went to Cathy for advice all the time – who is able to do that with a daughter the way that Peggy did? Everyone I have spoken with in the past couple of days told me that she was their spiritual guide or mentor – that she was so sweet and always said just the right thing. She especially reached out to those with emotional problems and spiritual weaknesses. Cathy recognized God unfolding in each person she met. She saw the true potential in each person. Everyone was beautiful in her eyes, and she was genuinely capable of loving everyone.

I think that Cathy’s middle name or saint name should have been Francis. She really lived the prayer of St. Francis. Especially where it says grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console: to be understood, as to understand: to be loved, as to love; and for it is in giving that we receive. She really did not have an ego – that was not part of the equation – it was all about the other person.

As a peacemaker
Cathy was also a big peacemaker. She hated conflict and would do anything to avoid it and to keep the peace – whether it was in her family, with friends, or in the workplace. She would mediate as necessary; she would be the first to apologize. She was against all forms of violence, especially war. Even with training her dog, Augie, she did not want to speak firmly or lay a hand on her; she was into some type of dog whispering sort of training. We all know that never worked.

As a grateful person
Cathy was a very grateful person. She praised God for big things and little things. She was thankful she had cystic fibrosis because it made her who she was. She had to deal with grief her whole life. With a chronic disease, you suffer setbacks throughout your life. You have to deal with being sick more often; you have to deal with the fact with you may not be able to have a child one day; you have to deal with other people not accepting your disease and therefore not wanting to marry you. You have to deal with getting a handicap placard and having people stare at you when you park. You have to worry about having a coughing attack in the movie theater. You have to deal with people staring at you when you are connected to an oxygen tank, and then grieve for the fact you need supplemental oxygen for the rest of your life. And you cannot travel to faraway places anymore. You have to grieve that you can’t dance as fast, walk as fast and then may not be able to see your nieces and nephews grow up. Cathy did suffer depression at times, but she always came out of it grateful. She lived in the spirit world and knew that there was value in suffering and that this life is limited. She knew it was a blessing to be able to live with this understanding. When someone else was suffering or learned they had a diagnosis of something like cancer, she would say, I would rather have my disease. I know how to deal with that. Then she would pray very hard for that person.

Cathy lived a full life, never thinking of herself; but in the end, God sent her her true love, her angel in Ray Lockett. Although they knew each other for a few years, they had such very precious little time together as husband and wife. I know that Cathy valued each moment with Ray and will always visit him in his heart.

We don’t need to cry for Cathy. She had it all. Now she can breathe.

At this time, I would like you all to join me on the count of three in taking a deep breath for Cathy.

Hopefully, in the future, when you take a deep breath, you will smile and remember Cathy.

NICK: We began writing this eulogy by asking ourselves a question – How would Cathy want us to talk about her? She wouldn’t, really. She wouldn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her or worry about her and if she knew we were going to talk about her, I imagine she would roll her eyes, shake her head, and say, “Well, as long as it’s nothing bad…”

TONY: We are Cathy’s cousins. I am Tony Buccola, also known as Little Tony or Little T, son of Auntie and Big Tony, who are also known as Big Kathy and Big T, and I am also the Grandson of Grandpa Al and Grandma Socky, who are also known as Big Al and Marie Martinet. And this is Nick, my brother, who ironically has no nickname.

True story. I had a dream about Little Cathy a couple of days ago after I first heard that I would get to be a part of her Eulogy and she told me, “Ugh, this whole thing is just so embarrassing. Please say something funny, so my mom and sisters aren’t crying the whole time… make something up if you have to.”

NICK: It may surprise some of you to learn that Cathy was in a GANG. She was not only a member, but a founder of the PASADENA POSSE. Her street tag was, of course, “Little Cathy.” Rather than occupying our time with vandalism and other petty crimes, the Pasadena Posse usually met on Wednesdays for a matinee and dinner. Our preference was for independent films or as Cousin Meryl calls them “ARTSY-FARTSY MOVIES.” Particularly through our Posse meetings, we came to find out that hanging out with Cathy is truly a one-of-a-kind experience.

TONY: A conversation with Cathy is truly an intellectual adventure. Her voracious appetite for learning about the world knows no boundaries. Cathy constantly absorbed enormous amounts of information about art, literature, music, politics and spirituality from all over the world. In conversations with Cathy, we’ve learned about everything from the writings of the Vietnamese Buddhist monk THICH NHAT HANH to her thoughts on the latest Harry Potter book.

NICK: Although Cathy knew everything, she never acted like a Know-It-All. Rather, she carried her immense knowledge with MODESTY and GRACE, two virtues she had in spades. She would never use her knowledge of the world to show off, but Cathy did enjoy sharing the wonderful things she found with friends and family. This was sometimes an adventure because Cathy’s tastes were, like her favorite radio show, ECLECTIC.

Consider, for example, Cathy’s musical tastes. She introduced me to the fast-paced dance music of the Sri Lankan artist M.I.A. And she introduced Tony to the smooth sounds of the Cuban Buena Vista Social Club. Tony and I still enjoy all of her musical suggestions today. BUT not all of Cathy’s experiences of musical sharing went so smoothly. I remember how hard she laughed when she told me about a road trip she took with her parents a few years ago. Ken, Peggy, and Cathy planned to drive through Big Sur and Cathy thought it would be a good idea to bring along musical accompaniment. What did Cathy think was the appropriate musical compliment to the magnificence of Big Sur? She selected the KA-WALLY music of the Pakistani artist NUSRAT FATEH ALI KHAN. For those who don’t know, KA-WALLY is the devotional music of the Sufi sect of Islam. To the unprepared ear, Khan’s music can be a little overwhelming. As Cathy told the story, her mom and dad’s reaction was something like: “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?” In response Cathy said: “What? I thought you liked devotional music.” After having this experience with her Mom and Dad, Cathy handed me a tape of Khan’s music with a warning: “Prepare yourself, it’s a little different.”

TONY: I often get advice from Cathy also because she knows me so well. She claims that it’s because we are a lot alike and think a lot alike, not just because we proudly carry the prefix “Little.” We’re also both the oldest child in our families, we’re both left-handed, creative right-brain thinkers, introverted and shy for the most part, very principled and resolute, but most importantly and you can ask both of our fathers, we’re both ALWAYS right and we know EVERYTHING. I’ll admit, it’s all in my head most of the time…. But Ken, I know for a fact that it’s definitely true about her. Personally, since a very young age I’ve always agreed with her or quickly changed my mind after discussing anything with her for two reasons: She has always been right and she always does, in fact, prove to know everything. So, really I’ve gotten by on only knowing enough to know that I need not go any further than her for answers.

NICK: Tony is not the only one who knew he could turn to Cathy for advice. Everyone in the family and in her vast group of friends knows Cathy as the voice of reason, calm, and WISDOM. I have never known anyone who listens better than Cathy. I think because she listened so well, Cathy gained a deep understanding of human nature. All of us knew that whenever we were faced with an existential crisis, there’s no one better than Cathy to calm us, to counsel us, and to point us in the right direction.

TONY: When having a conversation with Cathy, I felt that she was absorbing every word and moment. Her ability and willingness to listen enabled her to know each of us so well; sometimes even better than we know ourselves. One manifestation of this is the fact that she is the world’s greatest gift-giver. Let me tell you why – she never got us something she knew we liked, she got us gifts that she knew we would love…something we probably never would have discovered on our own. This translated into the categories of dispensing advice, intellectual conversation, fun or educational outings, and making recommendations for books, movies, music, plays, art, travel, restaurants, food, magazines, essays, articles, and pretty much anything else… we can give Cathy credit for a considerable percentage of our interests and obsessions, but also many of our most memorable experiences. And the best part is that these “gifts” haven’t necessarily come on birthdays or Christmas – Cathy gives them year-round.

NICK: Another aspect of Cathy’s personality that all of us know so well is her subtle, yet fantastic sense of humor. A favorite story of mine comes from just a few years ago during my Junior Parent Weekend at Santa Clara University. My dad was unable to come up for the weekend, so Cathy made the trip up north with my mom. Throughout the weekend, Cathy introduced herself to the other parents as my “FAUX FATHER.” I think she may have even written it on her name tag. We delighted in watching the other parents try to make sense of this ambiguous title. We laughed so much that weekend my face was sore for a week.

TONY: Another funny story – Cathy told Nick and I that when we were toddlers, she used to love to ask me what kind of car Grandpa Al drove because she reveled in hearing me mispronounce the word “TRUCK.” And also, she taught me the art of emotionally traumatizing a younger sibling.

NICK: But Cathy isn’t only known around the family for her great sense of humor. As a sister, I know that Denise and Danielle cannot imagine a more special relationship than the one they have with Cathy. As parents, I know Ken and Peggy feel the same way. In her role as Auntie Fluffy, Cathy has been there for all the big events in the lives of her nieces and nephews. Little league games, school plays, birthday parties – you name it, Cathy was there. One of my favorite memories is of the huge smile on Cathy’s face as she rallied everyone within earshot to the dance floor when Sister Sledge’s “WE ARE FAMILY” was played at Rachel and Ryan’s wedding. And we would be remiss if we didn’t mention the special relationship between Cathy and her trusted sidekick, the Auggie Doggy. Augie has been Cathy’s constant companion and the two of them loved a good game of tug-o-war between Augie’s attacks on the UPS guy.

TONY: When I think of Little Cathy’s role in our family and among her friends I think of something our Grandpa Al used to say. Big Al was not a censored man by any means, but especially when it came to voicing his favorites – Grandma Socky was his favorite wife, my mom was his favorite daughter, my Uncle Ken was his favorite “oldest son,” and my Uncle Bill was his favorite “youngest son” … but most often and with all of the family in earshot, I heard him say, “Little Cathy is my favorite grandchild.” … Other than the obvious reason (that she actually was his favorite grandchild), I believe that the reason he said that to us was to set the bar. He knew…or hoped anyway, that if the rest of us respected his opinion and needed or wanted to emulate anyone, it was her. I learned a lot from him, but I thank him eternally for that challenge.

NICK: A few months ago, another person picked Cathy out as his favorite. The beautiful connection between Ray and Cathy is obvious to anyone who has spent a minute with them. Over the past few months, it has been an absolute joy to watch the two of them glow in one another’s presence.

TONY: Above all else today, I feel especially proud of Cathy because of absolutely every thing about her and we should all feel extremely blessed to have been a part of her life in any way.

NICK: All of the things we have talked about today are manifestations of the tenacious, courageous, independent, and loving spirit that animated Cathy during all of her days. The life she authored is the most beautiful and meaningful life we have ever known. A couple of years ago, I was asked on a fellowship application to choose and describe my hero. ….. To this question, my answer came easily. The answer I gave is the one I think everyone here would give: Cathy Martinet, My Hero.